It has been an intense time. Perhaps it is just as simple as the famous Swedish poem…” it hurts when the buds are breaking”. Maybe it is just simple as that; It is spring. Whatever the case. It’s been intense. Now – looking back, it seems beautiful. And isn’t that always the irony of it all…? It always seems like Just Another Beautiful process once I am out of it. But when I am in it, it sure feels tiring, exhausting, stagnant, pointless and I feel like a fucked-up failure, who is not really good at anything….Some train(brain) tracks are always the same. Kind of sweet I think…How can we  ever be failures? The days pass by… emotions, feelings, experiences, all pass by – and we are there to experience it all. But we are not our emotions. Thank God for that! So last month was the month when it rained bills. The fixing of the kiln cost 5 times as much as I thought, and it just rained bills. Parking tickets, chimney sweeeper, phone bills, water bills, insurance, riding school, internet, bills from charities and institutions…you name it. And I kept dreaming of that future me- the one I would be when I was on top of it all…:

TOMORROW,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           as I stand on the doorstep bathing in sunlight, waving goodbye to my perfectly sweet neat children, accompanied by the chorus of birdsong, baby Miriam joyfully perched on my hip, breeze blowing through my golden hair; I will feel a jolt of excitement and skip into the kitchen, glide upon the yoga mat, make a somersault and land in a perfect split – the trace of three years void of yoga wonderfully vanished! I devour a perfectly green smoothie made from freshly picked organic salad and wild leaves and then sensually slide into the lounge and greet my man in a tantric orgasmic embrace that will leave all yoginis pale with wonder. After having blissfully rested in his warm strong caring arms, baby content playing in the kitchen, I stretch gracefully and step barefoot – of course – into our budding garden, caress the ducks and blow kisses onto the baby greens growing in our newly polished refurbished greenhouse, yes, breeze blowing in my sunlit golden hair and I am fixed and flawless, freed from mundane concerns, anxieties, fears, dreams, hopes, traumas, longings of the ordinary world. I am superwoman materialized, sexy perfect housewife and mother and TODAY I am me. REALITY RULES

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